


here's how it went down

by revise



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Post-Star Trek Beyond, Weight Issues, and i kinda want to do a sequel, because i can't write anything else, i guess, im not actually sure, touches on a kink sorta, we'll see
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-10-17 13:57:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10595418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revise/pseuds/revise
Summary: Jim has a problem... well, he has a lot of problems. Most of them aren't standing next to him every day though. Most of them aren't related to the green blooded alien he works with. That's the biggest one though.Spock doesn't really know how to feel, and that's just it isn't it. Spock shouldn't feel. He also shouldn't look the way he does, and he definitely shouldn't even notice the captain. Spock can't help it though, so he deals with it the way he deals with everything; he meditates, and he shoves everything to the back of his mind in hopes that it will disintegrate.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably way too long to be a one shot, but I'm too lazy to break it up into parts. I also didn't edit it for the same reason, but I don't think there will be too many mistakes. Last thing, but everyone is probably out of character because I needed them to be the way I wanted. I guess I don't mind when they're ooc because I like cute, angsty things, and stuff that ends up happy aha. 
> 
> So, without further ado, the Star Trek fic that nobody asked for because I'm pure trash.

Vulcans don’t gain weight. They just don’t. Vulcans are thin and agile and fit. Spock eyed his topless figure in the mirror in his quarters. There really wasn’t anything to see, but Spock saw it anyway. The layer of skin that coated his abs was slightly thicker than it had ever been. In no way did it mask his lean abdominal muscles, but it made them slightly less lean. Spock ran a hand down his stomach and let his fingers sink down into the extra millimetre of padding before reaching the solid muscle underneath. Spock frowned and made a note to see Dr. McCoy when he had a free moment to check if he was still in optimal health. They were in a period of travel, so McCoy shouldn’t be busier than usual.

Spock slid his shirt on and stepped out of his room, to make his way to the bridge. Despite there being literally no way to see Spock’s minimal change through his shirt, he couldn’t help but feel slightly self conscious. He stomped on those thoughts immediately because they were illogical and unnecessary. 

“If it isn’t the hobgoblin himself,” Spock was greeted by the slightly annoyed sounding doctor.

“Doctor McCoy,” Spock addressed him, and then nodded and greeted his captain who was currently sitting in his chair talking to said doctor. 

“You’re late,” McCoy smirked and took a step towards Spock, “You’re never late,”

“My sincerest apologies, but I was tending to a personal matter that took no more than two minutes,” Spock knew he was two minutes late, but he was always early, and rarely did the captain care if someone was within ten minutes of their call time. 

“It’s fine, Spock. Just a little out of character,” the captain spoke up from behind the doctor, “Bones here, was just asking me if he could borrow you for a moment to go over the evaluation reports,” 

“Yes, of course,” Spock stood up straighter, and folded his hands behind his back. 

McCoy lead him off the bridge and into one of the board rooms where he had set up his papers to go over. They started reviewing them, and corrected any errors that were present. 

After a lengthy enough silence that ended in the doctor letting out a sigh, and turning away from the table, Spock felt it was time for him to create a momentary distraction and cater to his needs. 

“Doctor, would you mind taking a moment during my break to perform a physical examination on me later today?” Spock wanted to rush through his question, but resisted because he didn’t want to have to repeat himself. 

“Yeah, are you feeling alright?” McCoy was suddenly worried about the first officer, and searched him for any outward signs of distress. 

“Yes, I’m fine. I just wanted to get it done now so you and I won’t have to take time out of our schedules next week when we will both be busier on the ground mission,” Spock decided that this was a logical answer that didn’t count as lying. Vulcans do not lie.

“Oh, okay… sounds good Spock,” McCoy was slightly skeptical of him, but he brushed it off as something Spock would find logical enough to ask about. 

“Thank you doctor,” Spock was relieved to be finished asking, but at the same time, couldn’t shake a feeling that something was going to be wrong with him. 

It took about another hour and a half to finish the reports, but eventually Spock was dismissed back to the bridge. On his way there, he ran into the captain, who turned him around and told him that they were going to have lunch together. Spock resisted at first, but once he looked at the time, he realized he had missed his actual lunch break while working with Doctor McCoy.

The two picked up their usual servings of lunch, and sat together at one of the tables. Kirk across from Spock. The latter had to dig his fingernails into his hand to rid himself of some intrusive thoughts he had been having for the last year. 

He couldn’t help his attraction for the captain, but he knew that Jim didn’t feel that way about him, and was constantly referring to them as friends. Spock knew that with enough time and conditioning, however, he would get over any romantic feelings he held for him.

While thinking about what he shouldn’t think about, Spock had missed most of what Kirk was saying to him about his lunch. 

Spock threw up one of his defence mechanisms, and quirked his eyebrow up at Jim. 

“Come on Spock, you gotta try it. You liked the pudding I got you to eat last week,” the captain held out a piece of chocolate to his first officer, and was waving it around in front of him like that would make Spock want it more. 

Suddenly, the Vulcan’s brain paused, and he related the offerings from Kirk that he had been reluctantly accepting with his recent development of a higher fat percentage. He looked up at Jim who was giving him puppy dog eyes, and snatched the sweet out of his hands so he wouldn’t do something stupid (like kiss him perhaps, to stop him from making sad eyes).

“This is the last time Jim, It’s already having a negative impact on me,” Spock didn’t actually mean to say the last part, but he knew he would’ve said it if Kirk had explicitly asked for the reason. 

Spock was met with uncontrollable laughter from the captain, and he was left wondering what the trigger was. 

“You think… that what?” Jim managed to calm himself to a low chuckle. 

“Well, it’s obvious that I’ve gained weight in the last few weeks, and the only variable that has recently changed is the food I have accepted from you,” Spock rattled off the answer, hoping that the captain wouldn’t be repulsed by his slightly (within five pounds Spock guessed) heavier form.

Kirk raised his eyebrows, and Spock’s expression remained unchanged, waiting for Jim to say something.

“Spock, come on. You’ve got to be kidding me,” Kirk ran his eyes up and down his first officer, looking for any signs of weight gain, “You literally look the same. If anything, you’d look a little better if you weren’t as thin as you are,”

Spock couldn’t help himself from being slightly offended at the statement (Kirk was obviously exaggerating). He knew it was illogical though, and the captain was probably trying to reassure him that he looked fine. There was always that sliver of doubt in the back of his mind though, that Spock couldn’t shake. 

“Thank you Captain, but I will be confirming what I already know with Doctor McCoy later today,” Spock told Jim, mostly so he would stop running his eyes up and down Spock’s body. 

“Yeah, okay. You tell me how that goes when Bones tells you that you’re perfect,” Kirk said, and then abruptly closed his mouth to look down at his watch. 

Spock took this as: ‘that was a blatant lie, and I’m going to pretend we have to go so I don’t have to awkwardly admit it’.

“We should get back to the bridge,” Spock said to diffuse the sudden built up tension. 

“Yeah, I suppose we should,”

The walk back was uneventful, and full of their regular banter. Spock was glad they didn’t discuss his appearance further.

Soon, Spock was relieved to go on his break, and he quickly made his way to the medical wing of the Enterprise. 

McCoy met him as soon as he walked in, and lead him to a room where they would perform the examination. 

First, Spock’s height and weight were taken, as well as fat percentage, blood pressure, and heart rate. Then he took a sample of blood to be analyzed, and put Spock on a treadmill to test several other factors while he performed physical activity.

While he noted the information, McCoy made conversation.

“Jim told me you were worried about gaining weight,”

Spock hesitated before simply stating, “Yes,”

“Well, it looks like you have nothing to fear,” the doctor looked down at all the collected information, “ready for your results?”

“Yes,” Spock was still slightly on edge.

“Well, all your vitals are the same as last time. You have gained six pounds, and your body fat is still at 15 percent, but that should even out even with a slightly altered diet, and moderate exercise. I’m sure Jim would enjoy some extra meat on your bones anyway,” McCoy gave Spock a lopsided grin, and the latter raised his eyebrow and willed him to explain his smile.

“I mean, any idiot can see that you two are completely cross eyed for each other,” the doctor stated with full confidence. 

“I’m sorry you have misjudged our relationship Doctor. Jim and I are just friends,” Spock stated flatly, “Thank you for taking the time to examine me,”

Spock got up and left as quickly as he could.

Once he was back on the bridge, Spock did anything he could to not look at Jim. Apparently he was so transparent about his affection that McCoy had caught on. Who else was vigilant enough to see through him? Hopefully Jim hadn’t found out, and hopefully the doctor had enough sense not to say anything to him. He, for once, had no idea how he could logically explain his way around the truth if Kirk ever brought it up.

Spock nearly flew out of his skin when a hand was placed on his shoulder, but he quickly stood straight and turned to address whoever was toughing him. Of course it was the captain. 

“You feeling alright?” Jim asked, “I know Bones said you were in tip top shape, but you were a little weird when you left… did something happen?”

Spock wasn’t quite sure how to answer, but he tried to be as vague as possible. 

“I’m feeling fine. My examination with Doctor McCoy went well, and I have had no problems,”

“Okay, you just seem kinda spaced out,” Kirk said with sympathy, “Do you want to play chess later tonight?” 

Spock agreed before he could think. He really shouldn’t spend any extra time with the captain, but he couldn’t keep himself away. He wasn’t fond of torturing himself, but he also wasn’t fond of brooding alone with his thoughts late at night, so maybe the distraction would be okay. 

The end of their shift was over all too soon, and Spock was already accepting Kirk’s offer to ‘walk with him to his room so they could play’. The universe liked to play cruel jokes on Spock. 

When Kirk pulled out another chocolate bar and tossed it to Spock while they played, Spock couldn't help but think Jim actually hated him. 

“What is this for?” Spock almost didn’t want to know why. 

“I think you need to loosen up a bit. So what you gained six pounds, it’s not even a big deal. I still think you’re skinny as hell,” Kirk smiled and nodded at Spock to eat it. 

Spock couldn’t help but obey. He was kicking himself internally for giving in, but in doing so, Spock could’ve sworn he saw Jim lick his lips and swallow thickly while watching him bite into the snack. He was definitely imagining things. Maybe McCoy should’ve been more thorough in his examination. 

Spock finished the chocolate, and looked at Kirk shyly, hoping he wasn’t judging him for finishing the entire thing (he thought that was what Jim wanted him to do). They met eyes for a moment, and then Jim quickly looked away. Spock couldn’t be more aware of his stomach at that moment. He felt intense regret at eating the chocolate, and then dug his nails into his thigh to stop feeling anything. He needed to focus. 

Their game was over quick enough, and it was slightly awkward. Not overly, but after they locked eyes for too long, Spock could feel the tension in the air. It wasn’t heavy, but it was there. 

Spock found himself lying in his bed, wondering how to proceed. First off, he wanted to lose weight. He also needed to stop accepting food from Jim, however much he wants to please him. It’s just not going to lead to anything good, and it’s definitely not like Kirk would like him more if he was overweight. Maybe he would start running more. That would help, and be a good habit to get into. 

Spock fell asleep, troubled thoughts going nowhere.

***

“Why am I not surprised,” Bones voice rung loud in the empty room.

Kirk turns around, still holding his glass of rum. Somehow, he’s not surprised either. Bones always has a way of finding him when he needs to talk to someone. Either that, or he regularly roams the halls at night (Kirk wouldn’t be surprised at that either). 

“What’s wrong this time? Did the hobgoblin hurt you? I swear to god, if he breaks your heart he’s gonna have to deal with me,” Bones rambled until Jim spoke up.

“No. No, of course not. Also, what are you even talking about?” Kirk blinked, “We’re just friends,”

“Yeah, that’s what he said too,” McCoy said almost sadly. 

“Bones,” Jim gave him a look. 

“What? I’m just putting together all the pieces of the puzzle. It’s not my fault that Spock gives you heart eyes whenever you're not looking, and you go out of your way to brush into him. It’s just science Jimmy,” Bones can tell he’s being a little bit much, but he’s just kinda tired of the two skirting around each other all the time. 

Jim blushed, and took a sip of his drink to avoid having to deny what Bones said. McCoy always joked about Spock having heart eyes or whatever… but maybe its not so much a joke. Jim knew it was wishful thinking, but whatever, he can think what he wants. 

“Yeah, maybe I do like him a little, but I could never have anything with him. He was dating Nyota,”

“Keyword: Was,” Bones emphasized, “And are you really playing the ‘he’s probably straight’ card with me, Mr. James T Bisexual?” 

Jim let out a short laugh at that, because yes, it wasn’t his greatest argument. That didn’t stop him from trying to find another. 

“That may be another turn off in fact. Spock kinda hates the fact that I’ve had a one night stand with the entire solar system. And every time I try to tell him he looks good, he goes and says he has something to fix. It’s like he reflects all my attempts to tell him anything meaningful,” Kirk started ranting, but was thankfully cut off by Bones. 

“I’m sure he really likes you feeding him junk just so you can get off on him having gained a few pounds,” McCoy quipped. 

“That’s low,” Kirk was slightly offended by the accusation, considering he told Bones about his preferences in confidence that he wouldn’t make Jim feel bad about it, “It’s not like that. You know I would never do it without his permission. And I don’t even get off on that. You know it’s more complicated then that,” 

“I’m just saying. That kid is a basket case without having to worry about how he looks. Try and lay off him Jim,” Bones said, and then added, “Either that, or just tell him how you feel. That would solve so many problems,” 

Kirk downed the rest of his drink. He wished it were that easy. 

They split off, and went their separate ways. Jim wondered if Bones must have some kind of insomnia or something considering he always finds him whenever he’s up at night. Or maybe he’s the one with the heart eyes. Jim inwardly laughed at his own thoughts.

When he fell into bed, he was asleep almost instantly. When he woke up though, he felt like he didn’t even close his eyes. He rolled out of bed and slid out of his clothes from the previous night in favour of some fresh ones. While he was out of his shirt, he looked at his hip bones jutting out from his skin. Not too much really, but maybe Bones is right about him not giving all his food to Spock. If not for the Vulcan, then for himself. 

This wasn't anything new though. He always drops weight if he’s not careful about how he gives away his own portions. It’s not even something he actively seeks to do. He just sorta likes the idea of giving food to other people. It’s not his fault that he recently started doing it to Spock. It’s not like he can’t afford to gain a few pounds either. He’s one of the leanest people he knows, Kirk thought. 

When he’s done with his own breakfast, Jim caught Bones eye while he was walking in, and gestured to emphasize that Spock wasn’t around for him to give food to. Bones just smirked, and continued walking. 

Jim got up, and almost immediately bumped into Spock. He was as gorgeous as ever, and Kirk had to look away before he did something stupid. 

“Captain,” Spock addressed him. 

“Mr. Spock,” Jim nodded, and then make the slowest possible bolt for the door.

He didn’t want to be suspicious, but he couldn’t be next to the pointy eared beauty while he was trying to work out the best action plan to tell him how he feels. That would have the potential to go terribly wrong. Now he realized why Bones was smirking at him earlier. 

Jim sat on the bridge for about five minutes before his first officer made an appearance. Their day went pretty smoothly, the only hitch being that Kirk had accidentally (he swears that’s the truth) brought two energy bars instead of one to snack on, and he gave the other one to Spock so it wouldn’t go to waste. It was fine. Besides, the people on the bridge appeared to be pleased that Spock was eating. He’s pretty much in the same boat as far as too much hip bone is concerned. Jim would know, because Bones was right in that he goes a little out of his way to be touching Spock in some capacity. It’s not like he’s groping him or anything, just a little pat on the shoulder, or bumping hips… or grabbing his wrist to lead him somewhere when they have to go fast even though Spock is perfectly capable of making it places on his own thank you captain. 

They brushed hands when Spock handed him a PADD to review some information on. 

He swore he saw a tinge of green on the Vulcan’s cheeks after that. Of course he imagined it, because the guy’s pretty good at keeping things in check, but again, Kirk can’t be punished for wishful thinking. 

Kirk dragged him to lunch again, because he could. But he brought Bones along too. He knew the doctor was just going to make fun of him when Spock wasn’t looking, but he also knew his presence would stop Kirk from throwing his lunch at Spock. 

They sat down, Bones next to Spock who was across from Kirk. Jim swore he saw a bit of hesitation in the Vulcan’s face before he started eating, but Jim also liked to imagine things. Bones and him made eye contact after that, and the former smirked and flitted his eyes to Spock before looking down at his own meal. Jim held back a snide comment. 

When they finished, Jim got up to get something sweet (for himself, and nobody else because he needed it). He sat back down, and Bones was trying to argue with Spock about something irrelevant. Bones was, of course, losing the exchange. 

“I can’t leave you two alone for two seconds without you starting a fight,” Jim laughed. 

“We are not fighting, Captain. We were simply discussing the best way to…” Kirk cut Spock off before he could go into detail.

“Thats between the two of you,” Jim held his hands up, “I want no part of this,” 

“Sure you don’t,” Bones glanced at Spock, who actually caught on this time. 

“Is there something you two aren’t telling me?” Spock tilted his head at Jim.

“No Spock. There’s nothing,” Jim sharply turned his head to Bones. 

McCoy just laughed and shook his head. Spock seemed confused. 

Kirk slid his fork into the cake he got for himself. Before he could think, he looked up at Spock and raised his eyebrows to see if Spock wanted to try. Jim didn’t know what to do when Bones sighed and slightly shook his head while he narrowed his eyes at Jim. He looked back at Spock who remained expressionless in a calculating fashion. Eventually, Spock looked down for a moment and then looked back up at Kirk.

He nodded. 

Jim bit the inside of his cheek so he wouldn’t react in any way to the situation. He slid his plate over with the fork, and put his elbows on the table so he could rest his chin on his hands. Spock looked down again before timidly putting a small forkful into his mouth. Jim could tell Spock liked it because the tips of his ears definitely turned green. There was no imagining it this time. 

“You can have the rest, I don’t really want it anyway,” Jim told him, which got him another angry look from Bones. 

Jim didn’t care. Maybe he’d ask Spock to work out with him or something to compensate. Not that Spock needed it, but it might help keep Bones off his case, and stop Spock from getting too obsessed with how he looks. Spock would obsess, no matter what he tells Jim or McCoy. 

***

Spock dug his nails into his palm, and stood as straight as possible. Jim was bantering with Sulu about something that didn’t interest him, but he heard it through the jumble of his own thoughts. He didn’t want to be involved with everything Jim did, which was why he hadn’t jumped into the conversation, but he desperately wanted to defend the captain. Maybe Spock was biased, but Jim did have several points that Spock objectively agreed on.

Before long, the bridge returned to its normal volume of conversation between everyone, and Jim turned to Spock. 

“Captain,”

“Mr. Spock,” Jim paused, and Spock took a step closer to indicate that he was listening, “I was wondering if you would join me today for my workout… Would you like to?” Jim stopped, but then revised his original question, “This isn’t an order, and it’s just for fun. No need to say yes just because I’m Captain,” 

Spock blinked. This meant Jim could see he was gaining weight. He knew he shouldn’t have accepted the piece of cake from lunch, but he really was in a loop of trying to make Jim happy. Spock blinked again, and thought about how he looked this morning. He didn’t think he looked any different, but then again, he saw himself every day. Maybe Jim was just now looking at him from an objective perspective to make sure he would still be able to do his job well. That was logical. If Spock gained weight, he wouldn’t be able to perform his duties as first officer as well, and that would be a concern for the captain considering he thought of them as ‘friends’. 

“Earth to Spock,” Jim spoke through the haze, and Spock immediately responded. 

“Yes, that would be quite enjoyable,”

“Good,” Jim said, “I mean, right, uhh… yes. Meet you there after our shift is done?”

“Yes,” Spock straightened his back once more, and took a step away from the captain’s chair. 

He could feel his stomach churning at the thought of Jim seeing him out of shape. Not that he’d been ignoring his training regimen, but he obviously wasn’t doing a good enough job. Spock breathed in and out in what could only be described as a sigh, if he did that sort of thing. Jim glanced up at the sound and frowned, but only let his gaze linger for a second. Spock just dug his nails further into his palm, and drilled a hole in the monitor with his stare. 

Time passed fast enough, with only minor problems needing to be looked at. It was business as usual. 

Eventually they were relieved, and Spock made his way to his quarters to put on something more suitable for exercise. It was issued by Starfleet, and Jim was probably going to be wearing the same thing. 

When he got to the gymnasium, the captain was already there stretching. Spock cleared his throat so he wouldn’t alarm him. 

“Mr. Spock,” Jim straightened up from his calf stretch, “You wanna start with some cardio?”

“I will follow along with whatever exercises you regularly do, and in the order that you prefer to do them in,” Spock inwardly scolded himself for sounding like a robot. It was his coping mechanism he supposed. 

“Bike it is then,” Jim nodded and grabbed Spock’s shirt to lead him to the bank of stationary bikes along the wall. 

Jim put on some music, and they did interval training for about 20 minutes. Then they moved on to some weight lifting. Spock excelled at both, and he nearly believed he saw surprise on Jim’s face. But Jim knew that Vulcans were superior to humans physically, so he really had no reason to be impressed with Spock matching a human’s exercise regime. 

They finished with some light calisthenics, and fell into comfortable rhythm. 

When they were done, Jim even said, “Hey— we should do this again sometime. Maybe we could do your workout,” He chuckled at the statement. 

“I’m not sure you could handle a Vulcan rate workout,” Spock didn’t mean for it to sound so demeaning, but he said it without thinking. 

Luckily, he was met with laughter instead of offence. Spock raised his eyebrow at this, and Jim was sent into another wave of hysterics. 

“Spock, you are just full of innuendo’s today,” 

“I speak literally, and I generally don’t use one sentence to convey two meanings. I can assure you that I will say both things in plane speech, or one not at all if does not serve an immediate purpose to say,” Spock felt his lips trying to twitch down, but fought off the urge to let them move.

Jim didn’t respond, he just shook his head while walking out of the gym. If Spock didn’t know any better, then he might think that Jim was actually trying to flirt with him. He based it on his previous relations with Nyota, and how she sometimes spoke to him. Jim wasn’t flirting though, and Spock knew it. He wouldn’t flirt at Spock. That would be illogical, even for someone as naturally rule bending as the captain. 

Spock got on one of the treadmills, and ran for another hour. It helped him gather his thoughts. It also calmed his mind of any worry he had because of over eating. This would help. Spock knew that if he continued to do extra workouts, he would most certainly lose any extra weight he had gained, and possibly improve his health. It was only logical. 

When he was done, Spock washed himself, and then returned to the mirror. He was never a full Vulcan in his peer’s eyes, but he took pride in the fact that he looked like one, and that any outsider wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. Not now though. He poked at the excess skin on his abdomen. It really was unacceptable. Spock wondered why he hadn’t done something about it sooner. 

He turned to the side and looked at his reflection from the new angle. He could admit that he was still thin. He wasn’t even close to being called chubby. There was, however, an unmistakable curve forwards where his abdomen once laid flat. Given, when he flexed, his abs still shone through the atrocity, but they weren’t good enough. Spock knew he could look better. It would just take some time, and commitment. 

Spock slid on some clothes, and then took a seat so he could meditate. He wanted to clear his thoughts, and focus his energy on the things that needed work. He needed to tame his emotions, and cleanse himself. 

Soon enough though, Spock was interrupted by a light knocking at his door. He kept his eyes shut, but called out to let them enter. 

“I’m not bothering you, am I?” The question was slightly redundant, but Spock didn’t refrain from answering.

“No, Captain. I was nearly finished, and it isn’t a big deal that I won’t get to,” Spock felt like that sounded a bit double edged, but he really didn’t mean for it to be like that. 

Spock opened his eyes, and saw that Jim looked slightly unhappy. 

“I’m sorry if I have offended you. It was not my intention,” Spock tried to apologize, but it only seemed to make Jim more unhappy.

“No, Spock, it’s fine. You don’t need to be sorry about anything,” Jim looked down at the floor, and kicked at something nonexistent with his toe, “Actually, I wanted to see how you’re feeling,” 

“I am not Feeling any…” Spock didn’t get a chance to finish his reassurance. 

“I know you don’t ‘feel’ or whatever, but I also know that’s bull,” Jim took another step into the room, “You’re also human,”

Spock wished that wasn't the case. He was working on getting rid of all outward signs of it at least. 

“Yes,” Spock didn’t have anything else to say.

“And I know you aren’t completely void of emotion. We’ve talked about it before,” Jim didn’t break eye contact. 

“Allowing myself to act on, or even acknowledge them would be illogical,” Spock made to stand up, but the captain put a hand on his shoulder, and instead sunk to his level. 

They sat in silence for awhile, Spock didn’t really know what Jim was doing in his room, and he had nothing else to say to him. Nothing logical to say to him at least.

Eventually Jim spoke up.

“I know you are supposed to be perfectly, or whatever, but I just really want to know if you’re okay. You just seem kinda off,” Jim didn’t sound like he was trying to insult Spock, but he almost would have preferred if it was an insult. An insult would be easier to respond to.

“You know that my examination with Dr. McCoy went well. I already informed you about this,” Spock said this, even though he knew this probably wasn’t what Jim meant. 

“Yeah, but what about your thoughts? Like, what have you been thinking lately?” Jim seemed to be having trouble getting the right words out, but he was unfortunately direct with his question. 

“I’ve been thinking… about how I can improve my health… and possibly find a mate,” Spock spoke slowly.

He knew he could have said something about his work, or really anything else he was thinking about without lying, but he didn’t. He looked up at Jim’s face. His cheeks were slightly pink, but Spock wasn’t sure what caused his blush. 

“Was that sufficient?” Spock eventually asked.

“Yeah. Um… who were you thinking about?” Jim blushed a deeper shade of red. 

“I’d rather not say,” Spock said, unable to calm his own blush at the tips of his ears. 

Jim looked up at him, his eyes lingering on the green spreading over Spock’s face. The corner of his lips turned up for a second. 

“I care about you Spock,” Jim didn’t break eye contact. 

“I care about you too, Captain,” Spock looked into crystal blue eyes. 

Jim leaned in, but paused with his face less than an inch from Spock. Then he pulled away and took hold of Spock’s hand, sliding his index and middle fingers up so they were matched with Spock’s. Spock inhaled sharply, and Jim immediately pulled his hand away. 

“I’m sorry…” Jim quickly stood up, and stumbled out of the room. 

Spock stayed sitting on the floor, somewhat in shock of what Jim had done, but mostly mortified at his reaction after. He didn’t need to meld with him to know that the captain had fully regretted what he did to Spock. Obviously he felt he made a huge mistake, and he really didn’t feel anything for him that he had implied by touching his hand. 

***

Jim had to go back. He was being stupid. Of course Spock was okay with it. How could he have not wanted it. It’s not like Spock pulled away from him, or slapped him, or something worse. Kirk knew he had made a huge mistake in leaving.

He stood up from his bed, half dressed (he was wearing pants), and took off in a run towards Spock’s room. It wasn’t far, but Kirk didn’t want Spock to be stuck in his head without knowing the truth for too long. Who knows what he would cook up in that brain of his? 

Jim made a sharp turn around a corner, and was sent flying backwards when he ran head on into the person he was looking for. Before he could fall to the ground though, Spock had grabbed his arm, and was righting him before Kirk could even react to the fall. 

“Captain… uh,” Spock started, and then looked at the floor. 

“Spock, I’m so sorry,” Jim started, and then grabbed a hold of the Vulcan’s wrist.

Spock flinched, and yanked his arm away. Jim was taken aback. He had seen Spock react emotionally few times in his life, and what he just did would have counted as emotional.

“Spock…” Jim tried again, “Just hear me out,” He waited for Spock to respond. 

“I think it would be wise for us to just forget about it. It would be unprofessional for anything else to happen,” Spock said, and then started walking, leaving Jim confused, and slightly surprised from the rejection.

Kirk watched the Vulcan walk down the hallway, and only when he was out of sight did he question why Spock was even out and about at such an hour. He should be sleeping, or meditating, or something like that. Jim didn’t want to bother with him again, because obviously he was wrong in assuming that Spock was okay with what happened, so he didn’t follow him down the hall to find out what he was doing. Why should Jim even care. Obviously they weren’t as close as he assumed. 

Jim walked back to his own room, and tried to get a good sleep. It was pretty useless though. With his head full of jumbled thoughts and emotions, he hardly got an hour in. 

When he rolled out of bed the next morning, Jim was tired, and out of it. He was also hit with the fact that he would have to see Spock today, and for the rest of their five years out in space, before he could request that they go their separate ways. He really didn’t think through what issues might arise from his attempts with Spock if Spock rejected him. He thought he was sure enough that there would be no repercussions. 

Sure enough, when he walked onto the bridge, he was greeted by the tall, slender Vulcan. Jim was almost surprised at how attractive he found him. He thought maybe the effect would be worn off once he was rejected. Jim was very wrong. 

Everything was business as usual, but there was tension in the air. It was pretty obvious that everyone felt it because they were all walking on eggshells around both him and Spock. It was strange that they weren’t getting along. Jim hated it so much. He needed to try again with Spock. Or at least tell him that he would get over him, and that he was wrong to assume, and that he wanted to stay friends if Spock would be okay with that. 

At lunch, Kirk watched Spock pick at a salad from across the room. Jim frowned, because Spock had never let his emotions get in the way of his day to day activities. Sure, Kirk knew he was boiling on the inside, but Spock never let it show on the outside. He rationalized that it was probably something else causing him to ignore his food. 

After their shift, Jim went to work out, like he normally did. What was strange was that Spock was already there when Kirk arrived, running on one of the treadmills. Jim decided to stick with the bike and some weights. He wasn’t mentally prepared to talk to Spock yet. It had to be later that night though, or else things would just get worse. 

When Kirk left the gym, Spock was still running, expressionless. Jim decided he would take his sweet time in getting ready to talk to the Vulcan. Apparently he liked to exercise through his problems. 

Eventually, Jim saw Spock walk past his room on his way back to his own. He waited a few minutes before following him though; he didn’t want to catch Spock while he was still changing or having a shower. 

He walked briskly when he did go. He didn't want to take too long and end up chickening out. Jim was so intent on his destination, he didn’t notice Bones walk by until the latter deliberately turned around and started walking with Jim. Kirk stopped after that. 

“You okay kid? You don’t look so good. Something happen with the hobgoblin?” Bones asked.

“Well… I guess I’m okay. I don’t know,” Jim leaned against the wall, “Spock doesn’t like me,” 

McCoy raised his eyebrow.

“Okay, well I’m sure he still wants to be friends. Maybe. But he was really unhappy with what happened,” Jim relented.

“Yeah, that’s all fine and good Jim, but I don’t know what happened in the first place. And I’m almost one hundred percent sure that Spock does like you,”

“I’m gonna just ignore that last thing you said,” Jim looked down the hall to make sure nobody was around, “IVulcankissedSpock.” Jim said quickly before he could regret it.

“You What?” Bones whisper yelled. 

“And then I ran away,” Jim didn’t bother answering McCoy’s question. 

“Damn it Jim, you don’t kiss a man to reject him a second later!” Bones turned around and hung his head. 

“You weren’t there. You couldn’t read the situation,” Jim tried, but knew he was at fault. He hadn’t thought of it like that. Kirk didn’t want to get his hopes up though, in case he was right the first time. 

“Jim,” Bones put a hand on Kirk’s shoulder, “He’s not a machine… as much as he tries to be. You gotta know that you must’ve hurt him. Trust me, he was looking pretty off today,” 

Jim was already speed walking down the hall when he turned back and called to Bones, “I’m gonna fix this,” 

Jim was originally heading straight towards Spock’s room, but then he had an idea and switched directions. He really wanted to make it up to the Vulcan. Jim knew he was at fault, and he really had no right to feel rejected. Jim just hoped Bones was right about this.

***

Spock was laying in bed, trying to fall asleep, but miserably failing. He was usually able to shut down his thoughts pretty easily, but he couldn’t get his head to stop spinning. He was fixated on the fact that he wasn’t as lean as he used to be, and that was probably why Jim had rejected him. That, or maybe the captain wasn’t interested at all, and he just got caught up in the moment. Spock wouldn’t be surprised. Jim had a tendency to jump headfirst into situations he didn’t fully think through. Spock almost admired him for it. It was what made him so painfully human. 

Spock rolled onto his side, facing the door of his room. He didn’t bother shutting his eyes because he knew his mind had some things to figure out. Spock figured he didn’t need that much sleep anyway, and he could take a bit of extra time in the morning to catch up on it. He just wouldn’t wake up so insanely early. 

Spock laid for a long time, before he heard the slightest sound of footsteps outside his room. It sounded like pacing; the footsteps were getting louder and then quieter again. It was most definitely the same person though. 

Eventually, there was a soft knocking on the door. Spock had a feeling he knew who it was, so he ignored it. His lights were off, so he was pretty sure he could ignore whoever it was and tell them he was asleep when they came by. He was also sure that nobody would dare bother him other than a certain Captain Kirk. Spock wasn’t really in the mood to be reminded of his failures, but he also knew it would be rude to ignore him. There was a possibility that Jim was going to talk about something else, but that was unlikely. Spock figured it was more logical to get the conversation over with as soon as possible, so he eventually spoke as softly as the knock.

“Come in,” Spock closed his eyes while the door slowly opened. 

“Were you sleeping?” Jim asked, still standing outside Spock’s room.

“No, I was just thinking. You can turn the lights on if you want,” Spock sat up to face the captain. 

The lights clicked on, and Jim made his way to a chair on the wall opposite to Spock’s bed. Spock appreciated the distance. At least Jim was kind enough not to torture him through his obvious love for the captain. 

“I assume you didn’t come in my room just to sit,” Spock wanted to get the conversation going so it would be finished as soon as possible.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” The corner of Jim’s lip turned up, “I wanted to say I’m sorry… and I have something else to say, so please don’t interrupt,” 

“I find it difficult to believe you don’t actually remember having this conversation this morning,” Spock knew he was being difficult, but he couldn’t help it. 

“You didn’t let me finish earlier, I really did have something else to say,” 

Spock just tilted his head forwards to show Jim he wasn’t going to stop him this time. 

“I just… god this is difficult. I just wanted to say that I don’t regret what happened the other night. I wish we could do it more often actually. Bones told me that it was pretty obvious that you like me, but I need to hear it from you, because obviously he can’t tell what you're thinking completely, so maybe he’s just super wrong in assuming—,” Spock cut him off.

“I believe this wouldn’t count as interrupting,” Spock paused for a moment, “I do enjoy being around you, and I would like to be more than friends… but that’s only if you aren’t lying about your feelings for me to make me feel better,” Spock looked down at his lap because he was afraid of what he was going to hear. 

Instead of hearing Jim speak though, Spock was surprised with a warm hand taking hold of his own. Spock looked up to Jim’s crystal blue eyes, and was overwhelmed with the fondness he could see in them. Without thinking, Spock stood up and gently touched his lips to Jim’s, returning Jim’s gesture of a Vulcan kiss with one he knew humans preferred. 

Jim caught on in a second, and reached a hand around Spock’s neck, holding them together. Spock snaked a hand around Jim’s waist, and pulled their bodies flush together. 

They broke away to breathe, foreheads touching. 

“Does this answer your question?” Jim smiled and kissed Spock once more, like he was making sure the Vulcan knew. 

“Yes Captain, I think it does,” Spock stepped away to get over the shock of what was happening. 

Jim also stepped back, and then turned to the chair he was sitting in before. 

“Would you like to sit over here?” Spock asked, thinking Jim was going to sit back in the chair. 

Suddenly, the chair was too far for him to deal with. Spock just wanted Jim close to him. He could reasonably hypothesize that Jim wouldn’t mind getting closer. 

“Yeah,” Jim turned around, but this time, he was holding a small box with a green ribbon tied around it. 

Spock had absolutely no idea where he acquired the item. He also had no idea what would be inside it. 

Jim walked over and sat next to Spock. He passed the box over, and Spock slowly undid the ribbon, and pulled the lid off. Inside, was something that would’ve caused Spock to laugh if he did that. 

There were five cookies in the box. 

Spock looked up at Jim, partially not wanting to accept the extra food, and partially ready to eat them if it made Jim happy. He was also not going to complain about the taste. He generally enjoyed eating whatever sweets Jim gave him. This appeared to be no different. 

Jim was smiling, looking hopeful. It was like he was worried that Spock wouldn’t like the gift he had given him. Spock was suddenly relieved, because obviously Jim didn’t care how he looked. Jim had even said he looked better when he wasn’t as bony. Maybe this was an okay thing. 

“Thank you Captain,” Spock could feel a smile forming on his lips, and for once, he let the smallest bit of it out.

He was half human after all.

**Author's Note:**

> So that's it. I might write a sequel, but don't rely on that statement because I've never followed through on that with any of my other fics. I'll see about the reaction this gets, and I'll watch all three Star Trek movies again to refresh my love for it. Then I might write another. 
> 
> Now I'm just ranting aha, but thanks for reading and I hope you liked it!


End file.
